Hate Makes Waste
(A father-daughter talk about terrorism)
My 9 yr. old daughter, Jazmine's innocence got a huge jolt when her mom explained the word terrorist. That night, the minute she saw me, she wrapped her arms and legs around me like bungee cords. "Daddy, daddy I can't believe it. I just can't believe it!"
I felt the same way. But I knew she needed more from me than a shared disbelief. But what could I say? How does a dad help his daughter make sense of such unspeakable horror? The next day while driving to school I gathered my thoughts. At the very least I wanted to let her know that this was just as shocking and upsetting for me as an adult as it was for her as a nine year old.
"I gotta tell ya kiddo that when something horrific like this happens right here in our own country, it affects all of us, whether we're young or old. None of us even know who's responsible or why they did it. But at the bottom there's gotta be a bunch of human beings who's hurt had turned into hatred."
"You're right dad. And know what? If your supermad at somebody and don't get anybody who can help you... and give you some new ideas, you just keep hitting and hating, and hitting and hating."
"You got it pal. But instead of getting help, terrorists just stay so angry at who they think is hurting them that hatred hardens their hearts. This makes them so unfeeling that pretty soon they can't see or think normally." "Their hearts are so cut off that their heads become confused. It's like the only thought they hear in their minds is revenge, revenge, revenge."
"Well, yesterday, their raw hatred exploded and left a lot of americans hurt and almost all of us very scared... and very angry. It's as if we were just minding our business at the playground and suddenly someone sucker-punches us right in the stomach. Part of us wants to cry and run home to our families. And part of us wants to pummel the person who did it. "
"That really happened dad. Right when I was trying to climb the slide, this boy just socked me." "What did you do?" "I said: Hey Tom that's not fair! Why did you do that? I almost let him have it before he could even answer. But I found out the hard way, when you're really hurting, hitting back never makes it any better... and usually just makes an even bigger mess!"
"Bingo! Instead of lashing out, if we'd only look before we leap we could see the very thing the terrorists couldn't: hate makes waste! When something hurts us we need to heal. Nothing gets better by making someone else hurt worse. An eye for an eye only makes both sides more short-sighted. A tooth for a tooth only makes it harder for someone to use their words rather than their weapons."
"Hate makes waste? That's a good one dad." "It's true. No matter how angry we are we don't have to let our hurt harden our hearts. Like you said, if the terrorists could only have found somebody to help them they wouldn't have felt so outcast and desperate. Life is too short- and too sacred, to be reduced to a suicidal us against them outlook."
"Talk about Hate makes waste" "Exactly! "Life isn't about blowing up buildings, it's about building bridges. Revenge doesn't move anybody forward, it just plants a barrier that keeps everybody apart. When people use rage instead of reason, misunderstandings get so big they create a kind of monster." "Yeah, mad bombers who forget that the people on the plane have families just like they do."
"That's the worst part of this whole tragedy for you isn't it pal? But maybe if the rest of us remember that we're all connected by flesh and blood, we can help each other push past anger and sorrow, and use words not weapons. Everyone of us has a heart that's beating a little faster cause we're afraid of what will happen next. None of us want to make it worse. But all of us have to choose whether we're going to be a barrier of resentment or a bridge of understanding."
"I hope when we find the guy who did all this we won't kill him, we'll just put him in prison forever." "I'm with you pal. We're just about at school and I just want to say one last thing. I wish with all my might that those attacks never happened. I hope and I'm gonna pray, you and me- and our whole country- will work together to fully understand the reasons behind it. Because I'm sure even something awful can teach us something that makes us better people and and a more humble nation. I know we can help each other get through it. And as horrible as it was to witness, I'm counting on you Jazzy to really take to heart two key lessons: Hate makes waste. Love heals!"
"And gives us hope."
(amen)
Robert & Jazmine Peck
Northfield, Mass.
RobPeck@zestworks.com
www.zestworks.com
